October is finally here, soon it will be Christmas and then we will be greeting a new year. As I start to look back On 2013 I realise it's had some wonderful highs and then some extreme lows, which is what I've been looking back on.
Firstly saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do. This year God has taken 3 beautiful angels, they all hurt but for different reasons and all sadden my heart because they were also taken so early in life. I will miss them deeply.
My health has taken a massive dive and as much as I've tried carrying on, the fear I had of not being able to walk and to loose my independence was awful, after an operation I'm glad to say I am back on track. However the frustration of still being limited is frustrating but then I've always been one to run before I could walk.
The biggest and most lowest point of this year was this beautiful girl. My daughter Lauren. I could never imagine how quick a child's health could deteriorate so quickly it was frightening. Lauren has only one kidney, on it she has a cyst... Both became infected. Lauren gets infections a far bit so whenever we suspect she has one, we visit the gp and we normally come out with antibiotics. Lauren had been sick the night before so worries she may have the "tummy big" I cancelled first thing in the morning. An hour later she was sick again and instinct triggered this wasn't a big and something was wrong. Calling the doctor again he agreed to see her, 20mins later we were in with the gp. Lauren however had got worse and started to become very sleepy. The doc sent her to the hospital straight away. On arrival it took us a mere 10mins before being admitted to hospital. Lauren in the space of 2hrs had gone from talking and joking despite feeling unwell to now being very sleepy and hardly with it. The next few days were a blur and Lauren does not remember those days either because she was not coherent the whole time. She had to have a saline drip as well as antibiotics to keep her going while she fought of the infection. After a few days she became more with it and we thought we were over the worst little did we know then the cyst had also become infected and had grown to over 1/3 of her kidney. After a good day Lauren slipped back into her sleep world. She black out when having bloods taken because her temperature and infection had taken hold again. I will never forget the look on the doctors face as I saw she too was extremely worried and was ready to cpr her if needed. Lauren was put in isolation and as scans revealed the cyst keep re-infecting her it was time to move hospitals. Day after transferring to a bigger hospital , Lauren had to go into surgery to have her cyst drained. The operation took a mere 20mins to me it felt a lifetime. A simple surgery yet a small slip could have meant a disaster and bigger problems. After the operation Lauren soon got better and was able to come home.
She still gets tired at times but she is an active kid and we have had another stay in hospital, overnight as a precaution. The scan she had while staying for the 2nd time scared us though, as the cyst showed it had grown rather than shrinking like we hoped. This was disastrous as the next option would have been to remove it. Major surgery on her one kidney just makes me feel sick!! We were sent home as all was clear despite that and another scan set for today.
Today brought the best news ever... Not only is the cyst still clear it has started to shrink :D I could have cried. Although we are still not completely out of the woods yet, and we still have to see the consultant next week for his decision, we are pretty positive surgery will not be on the list of options.
So finally getting some hope has helped turn my glum year into a more thankful year. This is what I am thankful for...
1)My beautiful beautiful girls...there is a reason i tell you i love you every day!! They really are my world. I am so proud of how they have dealt with me being ill and Lauren. How they have cooed with being past around family and how they have supported each other and us adults through out this year.
2)My husband...not only did he have the stress of a sick child to deal with but also the stress of looking after me and working to pay the bills and keep our house in order.
3)My parents... That have also been a rock and dropped everything to help us through this difficult year. To do school runs,extra washing and story times and just generally be there when we needed them. To help keep me tall when all I wanted was to be in a ball on the floor.
And finally
4) My friends and family....my closest and dearest people in my life. Without you (and you know who you are) I could not have survived this year without you by my side. To hear me moan, to wipe my tears, but most of all to make me laugh and smile in times I didn't think possible! For that I love you dearly and you will never know how grateful you are to me.
Life is hard, life makes you cry and sometimes you feel what's the point. I am thankful I have people in my life who take those moments and give me smiles and laughter's because those are the days I think "who cares if there is a point....I'm just enjoying life and having fun".
I hope you are as lucky as me and are surrounded by awesome people, on days you think you aren't remember this...
I will be your person and this is what I shall tell you in your darkest days...
”You are awesome,hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. There are many people different to you but there is only one you...be true to that. If you are love will always surround you”
Photo - the photo shows Lauren very poorly in hospital and then one of her now, happy and back to being her bubbly cheeky self :)
