Goodbye 2013...Welcome 2014

So today is the last day of 2013.

My instant reaction is thank f*** for that as to be honest there have been many lows!!!

The year started with a close friend deciding to end his life living an instant hole in mine and so many lives.. an empty chair will always be at the table.  Then after finally getting the job of my dreams I had to let it go after going through hell with my back....my boss who was a gentle giant and was there from the beginning with Laurens health issues and has supported my lil family in more ways he will have ever known passed away leaving behind a beautiful family who have showed their strength in such a sad and dark time , he would have been proud of them all.
With my back I got to the point I couldn't move, I couldn't get upstairs of my house and I wouldn't allow anyone to touch me. It got to the point where I couldn't even use the bathroom and so ended up in a&e and the very next day was in theatre having major surgery. As much as I'm still recovering, I am almost at least mended, although it still also hurts I had to give up my place in the London marathon because of it too...but hey dreams don't get cancelled just moved on a bit. After thinking that was it just a mere 2 weeks later after my emergency operation nothing prepared us to see our middle daughter Lauren suddenly become so ill, so quickly!! She spent 2 weeks in hospital and nothing prepared us at seeing her almost slip away from us I'm so thank full for her doctors and their quick reactions which got her well enough to come home. Although she still gets tired she is almost back to full health and even managed to get her next grading in her karate as well as get on her school girls football team. Then more tragedy hit when another wonderful angel finally slipped away after loosing her battle with cancer. Sam was a mere 32 years old and was a light that brighten every room. She will so sadly be missed. Then if that wasn't enough my oldest daughter Katelyn 1 week before Christmas broke 3 fingers after falling out of her friends wardrobe!! At least and after reading the above I'm sure you will understand when I say we can all laugh at that one!!

So you can see it would be pretty easy for me to right off 2013 completely however I don't want to as there have been ups too and they have been amazing!!

This year I got to take my oldest girls to their first proper concerts, I took Katelyn to the Capital summer time ball as well as Jessie J and I took Lauren to see Jessie J too, I got to see Robbie and Olly at Wembley with the hubby which was brilliant! We have had laughs along the way with fantastic friends and family, my best friend had a baby who is gorgeous and I'm about to be a god mother again, to top the good news another best friend got engaged to his dream girl (well she's my dream girl)!! We also had a fantastic holiday in Cyprus and got to live life and just appreciate living!! Seeing my big brother this year and being able to hug him his lovely wife and children have been wonderful and magical too...certainly made our Christmas :)

Not only that I am so proud of my 3 girls more than words  can ever say.

Despite the year we have had, katelyn joined the netball team despite not being sporty and has learnt there is a sport for her, she has worked hard at school and helped her grandparents out when they were dumped there after mummy and sister were in hospital, she supported Emily and hid her own worries and feelings to be strong for her. She did all of this while having to choose her secondary school, which meant choosing the school her closest friends didn't as well as going through the changes from a girl to a young lady...not an easy time in your life.

Lauren has managed despite being so ill keep up with her school work and even managed to up her grades a little. She never once complained at all with the needles poked in her or at the many blood test and other tests taken. She never once grumbled when she wasn't allowed to eat in hospital because she had to have a 'sleep'. She smiled the whole time and even helped staff at the hospital make banners for their charity!! She has focused and worked hard in everything she does and has done well in her karate gradings and football.

Emily took full time school hard and didn't settle very well however this year she seems to have just got it and works so hard that her teacher thinks she is amazing, and of course we do too. Emily was a hard child to deal with as she suffered major temper tantrums but this year she has managed to over come this. She has never grumbled at being away from mummy and daddy when they had to be at the hospital and has been quite grown up for a 6year old and coped with everything so maturely!!!

This year has really humbled me, I had it installed in me from those no longer in our lives that I was a bad mother but now I realise how could i be? They are what i got right!! I have a wonderful family and we are all so very close. I love them with all my heart and soul. My girls and hubby have been a rock to me, we have laughed and cried together and shared a mixture of emotions, but we have come out stronger together.

I'm also humbled at the people who are in my life, I have amazing family and amazing friends who have helped us as a family grow this year and helped support us through the bad and made us smile to make it good. For that I hold you all so dear to my heart and please  know I love you so much!!!

Now 2014 there are some hard times yet to come I know but I'm prepared to laugh through it with the amazing people I have around me and I'm quite looking forward to it. I wanted to have a new years resolution and I have many...just ones I won't stick too so I decided to just say

Happy New year to you all!!
May your wishes come true and your dreams are there to work for.
May the hard times be spent with a good friend by your side,
and may every day bring you at least one smile!!
Most all may your year be filled with love.

Peace and love to all

Xxxx

Winter is on its way.

Today has been a rare day when everything runs smoothly. Well I say everything apart from my alarm not going off and we got up late.

Still managed to get the girls up,washed,fed and dress and to school on time so that was a rush this morning. After that everything was smooth lol

Today was a rare day me and rob had some time to ourselves so we decided to have a walk down the river with a warm hot chocolate and chat and be silly. He then had to go to work so I turned the music up loud and cleaned all of downstairs before grabbing the girls from school.

After dinner we curled up with hot drinks and our hot water bottles and discussed our day which was lovely.

Days like this make it hard to decide what my favourite season is as I quite like winter for the warm snuggles however I do miss the sun of summer. For now I just can't wait for Christmas :D

October

October is gone and November has arrived. We are on the home stretch to the end of the year!! Can't believe we are almost into 2014 and that I will be able to hug my big brother, sister in-law and niece and nephew at the end of this month!! Excited is not the word ;)

So This week has been half term and i have to admit i have enjoyed this weeks half term and actually a little sad my babies are going back to school!!

We have had so much fun. We took the girls to their first time at Santa pod to see the monster trucks, drag racing and stunt drivers and happy to say the girls loved it. They loved the smell of the fuel, the noise of the engines and amazed at the speed of the rocket car..yeah they are true petrol heads lol We even got to ride in a monster truck and ride over cars....fantastic and still makes me buzz thinking about it!! I tick of my bucket list for sure!!

Then I had some mum time with my oldest 2 as I took then to see Jessie J at the 02. It was fantastic!! They are massive fans but for me and my oldest katelyn it was just nice seeing Laurens face as she took the hugeness of it all in as it was her first concert. So nice to see a smile on her face after being so ill.  The youngest didn't miss out as daddy decided to have some quality time and took her to the London aquarium. At the age of 6 she has already said she wants to be a marine biologist, she loves ocean life big and small, animals and plants/coral...so this was a real treat for her. I have never heard her talk so much seeing her afterwards lol

I also got a rare opportunity to have some time with Katelyn and we went to see Joseph at Wimbledon Theatre. Have to say I was a bit put off by reviews and the fact H from steps was playing Joseph but I have to say no it wasn't the west end version or had that kind of budget but it was fantastic all the same and katelyn is slowly understanding my love for theatre.

It hasn't all been days out we have had fun drawing pictures on rainy days and snuggled up under a duvet watching films when it was cold, even the cats curled up with us on those days ;)

I'm very lucky to have my beautiful lil family. No matter how bad or grey the day is somewhere in that day I will have smiled and laughed because of them!!  3> 3> 3> 3>

Getting old

At the young age of 30 something, i never feel like a day over 16 and often act like it especially around my nearest and dearest as they haven't quite grown up either ;)

However this year has seriously aged me. I know this for the following reasons:

1) I'm far to accepting of my quirkiness, I used to hide this and kept a lot of me hidden. These days I really do have the attitude of I don't care what the world thinks I am me and I quite like me :)

2) I have started to write a bucket list!! It mainly consists of just seeing the world as its the only real thing I haven't done yet, plus a few crazy stunts I think everyone should do.

3) I'm starting to frown upon fizzy drinks in aid to drink tea and more tea

4) My fancy dress outfits are now looked upon as how well they hold up against the elements as I don't like the cold instead of how sexy I wish I looked when wearing it.

5) I'm starting to enjoy being curled up on the sofa with my blanket wrapped round me and my cats curled up wither on me or next me... Yes I may be having the start of crazy cat lady syndrome!!

All said and done I am not completely ready for my zimmer frame yet, my bucket list can vouch for that but it has scared me how much I suddenly feel aged. Maybe its because so much has happened and maybe I don't feel aged just grown as a person. I certainly feel stronger and wiser...well for 5min at least ;p Definitely a bizzare year and I certainly feel blessed to have my beautiful family and friends to enjoy the good parts and to hold my hand and cry with me at the bad :)

Autumn is here

Well its official autumn is here, I can tell from the amount of bugs my children are catching from school!!! I am currently nursing a bad cold and has lost my voice!!  Still homemade soups and crusty bread are helping me nurse myself back to good health.  Hoping that's it for a while :)

I like autumn tho..except for the bugs and colds. The leaves are looking pretty as they change too yellows,reds and oranges. I like snuggles on the sofa with a blanket with my kids as well as more baking and art days indoors due to the rain. I like Wellington boots so I can jump in puddles before the cold weather really sets in and walks in the park looking for Conker's. We have Halloween with its spooky nights in as well as fancy dress parties...

What's your favourite part of autumn?

A long year so far...

October is finally here, soon it will be Christmas and then we will be greeting a new year. As I start to look back On 2013 I realise it's had some wonderful highs and then some extreme lows, which is what I've been looking back on.

Firstly saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do. This year God has taken 3 beautiful angels, they all hurt but for different reasons and all sadden my heart because they were also taken so early in life. I will miss them deeply.

My health has taken a massive dive and as much as I've tried carrying on, the fear I had of not being able to walk and to loose my independence was awful, after an operation I'm glad to say I am back on track. However the frustration of still being limited is frustrating but then I've always been one to run before I could walk.

The biggest and most lowest point of this year was this beautiful girl. My daughter Lauren. I could never imagine how quick a child's health could deteriorate so quickly it was frightening. Lauren has only one kidney, on it she has a cyst... Both became infected. Lauren gets infections a far bit so whenever we suspect she has one, we visit the gp and we normally come out with antibiotics. Lauren had been sick the night before so worries she may have the "tummy big" I cancelled first thing in the morning. An hour later she was sick again and instinct triggered this wasn't a big and something was wrong. Calling the doctor again he agreed to see her, 20mins later we were in with the gp. Lauren however had got worse and started to become very sleepy. The doc sent her to the hospital straight away. On arrival it took us a mere 10mins before being admitted to hospital. Lauren in the space of 2hrs had gone from talking and joking despite feeling unwell to now being very sleepy and hardly with it. The next few days were a blur and Lauren does not remember those days either because she was not coherent the whole time. She had to have a saline drip as well as antibiotics to keep her going while she fought of the infection. After a few days she became more with it and we thought we were over the worst little did we know then the cyst had also become infected and had grown to over 1/3 of her kidney. After a good day Lauren slipped back into her sleep world. She black out when having bloods taken because her temperature and infection had taken hold again. I will never forget the look on the doctors face as I saw she too was extremely worried and was ready to cpr her if needed. Lauren was put in isolation and as scans revealed the cyst keep re-infecting her it was time to move hospitals. Day after transferring to a bigger hospital , Lauren had to go into surgery to have her cyst drained. The operation took a mere 20mins to me it felt a lifetime. A simple surgery yet a small slip could have meant a disaster and  bigger problems. After the operation Lauren soon got better and was able to come home.

She still gets tired at times but she is an active kid and we have had another stay in hospital, overnight as a precaution. The scan she had while staying for the 2nd time scared us though, as the cyst showed it had grown rather than shrinking like we hoped. This was disastrous as the next option would have been to remove it. Major surgery on her one kidney just makes me feel sick!! We were sent home as all was clear despite that and another scan set for today.

Today brought the best news ever... Not only is the cyst still clear it has started to shrink :D I could have cried. Although we are still not completely out of the woods yet, and we still have to see the consultant next week for his decision, we are pretty positive surgery will not be on the list of options.

So finally getting some hope has helped turn my glum year into a more thankful year. This is what I am thankful for...

1)My beautiful beautiful girls...there is a reason i tell you i love you every day!! They really are my world. I am so proud of how they have dealt with me being ill and Lauren. How they have cooed with being past around family and how they have supported each other and us adults through out this year.

2)My husband...not only did he have the stress of a sick child to deal with but also the stress of looking after me and working to pay the bills and keep our house in order.

3)My parents... That have also been a rock and dropped everything to help us through this difficult year. To do school runs,extra washing and story times and just generally be there when we needed them. To help keep me tall when all I wanted was to be in a ball on the floor.

And finally

4) My friends and family....my closest and dearest people in my life. Without you (and you know who you are) I could not have survived this year without you by my side. To hear me moan, to wipe my tears, but most of all to make me laugh and smile in times I didn't think possible! For that I love you dearly and you will never know how grateful you are to me.

Life is hard, life makes you cry and sometimes you feel what's the point. I am thankful I have people in my life who take those moments and give me smiles and laughter's because those are the days I think "who cares if there is a point....I'm just enjoying life and having fun".
I hope you are as lucky as me and are surrounded by awesome people, on days you think you aren't remember this...

I will be your person and this is what I shall tell you in your darkest days...

”You are awesome,hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. There are many people different to you but there is only one you...be true to that. If you are love will always surround you”

Photo - the photo shows Lauren very poorly in hospital and then one of her now, happy and back to being her bubbly cheeky self :)

My lil diva is turning 6!!

Today my baby girl is turning 6. She was our surprise pregnancy and after having 2 we were excited and having a new addition. However that soon passed as I became very I'll. I could eat as it made me sick and I became tired and found pregnancy hard nothing like the last two. I was convinced we were having a boy because it was so different from the other two girls so was shocked to find it was another. Happy all the same as she was healthy despite me being ill. The night before her arrival rob was at work and me and the other two caught the Sicky bug so spent the day and half the night sharing the bathroom. After they had settled exhausted I too went to bed. After an hour I soon woke up in terrible pain I knew it wasn't labour or contractions and I was scared. Rob left work early and took me to the hospital. Concerned they admitted me overnight as the pain was bad and baby had slowed. I had never been more frightened in my life. It was lucky they did keep me in tho as 10am the following morning my labour finally started and 25mins (I kid you not...I didn't even make it to a delivery room from the ward) our baby girl was born. However unlike holding the other two the first few mins of arrival she was ripped away before I even sore her. She wasn't breathing. I had 3 miscarriages before so knows the pain of loosing a child but I couldn't bear the thought of what may happen now. 5mins later which seemed a lifetime a little cry was heard and our precious Emily was here and well. Since then she has grown into a funny caring beautiful little lady..although strong willed at times and has been the most stressful out the 3 we wouldn't change her for the world. She is truly amazing and am thankful every day she is here with us.

Happy 6th Birthday Emily, we all love you and your sisters very much. I hope you have the perfect day xxxx

Christmas is coming!!

Ok, ok i know its super early and i know i need to calm myself but i cant help it!!  Having children makes its worse as they get excited too. if i dont slow down however i will be bored of christmas before its arrived....but how??

This year its special i get to meet my nephew for the first time although we speak regualry on skype) see my niece who was just 1 last time i saw her and will see my big brother for the frist time since i got married!!!  So now you can see why we are all excited. doing it bit by bit each week since july means i dont have the money stress of it all either!!!  I just want to wish everyone a great christmas this year and hope no matter what you will be doing its as special as ours will be :D

So with that said....i really need to think halloween is here first however my baby girl will be 6 on saturday...not that i can belivev this as she is my baby the other two are grown up at the ages of 11 and 9 and now shes telling me she is too :( momnets with kids are indeed so precious :)

Happy Memory days all :)

I`m Back  - well for 5mins

So what a year.. it`s not been the best. Loosing a close friend in their terms was unexpected and i will always see an empty chair when we family of friends gather. Then i lost another friend so sad as they were just taken so soon. Now they always say things happen in 3`s but im glad to say we broke that rule so far although my middle child almost came close. She has been very poorly but made me realise how fantastic my parents are and how their support and love has helped my own family pull through. I also have been ill and ended up in hospital having a back operation.....but the hardest thing was having to give up my dream job because of it.

So definately safe to say its been rough BUT with life you are constantly surviving and with great family and friends i have to say its a bit unreal of what we have achieved despite all of this.

I still managed 2 gigs at wembly and let the music simple help me party and ignore my agony  - probably didnt help my back in the long run but atleast i didnt give up.

We had ana amzing holiday in cyprus. BU above all my girls have come leaps in bounds with their school work winning many awards and all have done well in sports. My middle daughter despit being ill has manged to gain 3 belts in her karate and my youngest learnt to swim forwards/backwards and dive in the space of 10 days just to name a few. We have laughed and cried together and i`m poroud to say i have an amazing bond with my children and husband. Without it im not sure i would have survied this year. 

I guess what im thinking is despite all the doom and gloom remember there is always someone out their to hold your hand through and never be afraid to accept it. Life can be pretty lonely as well as hard but always made easier with a bit of support and lots of laughter....who cares if Joe bloggs oppisite thinks youve gone mad!!

Always carry hope in your pocket and love in your heart xx

My diet

I have finally weighed myself after Xmas/winter and I've put on a stone! A stone! Some is bot just what I've eaten I can't do the sports I love due to a very bad back injury which is helping so seeing as Sumner is coming so its time to get strict!  At the moment I'm just under 10stone so I have 2 stone to loose....here we go..

My plan is to eat a good breakfast..cereal or one slice a toast (this is good for me) with a cup of tea, lunch will be a dinner (i have children so I will cook for them and instead of eating mine I shall save it for the following days lunch) with a glass f juice and then dinner cereal and a cup of tea. For snacks I have fresh fruit or nuts and water to drink.

Day 1 has been a slight disaster as I had 3 biscuits and an extra cup of tea...but better than what I though so yay ;)

Tomorrow I have toast, curry (homemade) and porridge with rasins...wish me luck lol

Happy New year

Well 2012 has been and gone and it was wonderful except loosing my nan and then burning my hand the day after boxing day...don't ask long story!

Still now its certainly detox time now and I am starting as I mean to go on with work,a massive walk and then a swim...I can honestly say I'm all worn out!

Hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas and may 2013 bring you love and laughter...and more random posts from me ;)